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caffinerded
Last summer, there was a woman with steely ragged hair who brought an entire honeydew to Starbucks, eating it with plastic utensils. I wasn't sure if she was homeless, until she asked me where I had my hair done. "They do a great job, don't they?" She responded. Clearly, the woman was not homeless.
In the past few days, though, I've noticed this dude in my local Starbucks. Thanks to Chris, my most favorite person in the world, for the photos. Whether he knows it or not, he and I are going to interview this deranged person today. I'm bringing the ipod recorder. Who does this? I mean, seriously.
March 30, 2005 in life observation | Permalink
Comments
that is absolutely hysterical.
Posted by: mindy | Mar 30, 2005 2:49:01 PM
I'm a little confused. Does Starbucks now offer internet access, or did this guy actually bring a $#I*^ desktop there? Can't be true...
Posted by: jewelpieces | Mar 30, 2005 3:03:10 PM
Here's the thing. The guy is there ALL day long. It has to be some kind of performance. I mean, who does this? Yes, Starbucks does have wireless internet access at some locations through t-mobile. However, this guy actually brings his entire desktop with him. I want to know if he wheels it in... where he comes from with it, what he's doing there with it, why he doesn't have a laptop, and how he likes his coffee (if he even drinks coffee).
Posted by: StephanieKlein | Mar 30, 2005 3:07:30 PM
wow thats genius. I'd never even considered taking the whole thing down to starbucks.
Posted by: Simon | Mar 30, 2005 3:08:41 PM
holy shit. I can't stop laughing. Someone buy the guy a laptop. Bloody hell.
Posted by: Island Girl | Mar 30, 2005 3:23:50 PM
wow thats crazy. only in NY crazy. is that the astor place starbucks. i bet the guy is a freelance writer or programmer and runs his office out of there. funny as shit. good one.
Posted by: jason | Mar 30, 2005 3:29:49 PM
Oh my gawd!
Posted by: brownsavvy | Mar 30, 2005 3:46:13 PM
I saw this on Chris' site this morning. I was laughing my ass off. Just look at the size of the monitor. He must have a cart or something.
Make sure you bring your camera, so it looks all official. Let Chris ask the questions, I am sure the questions will be hilarious.
Posted by: Tom | Mar 30, 2005 3:46:23 PM
In the second shot - I think you can see wheels to his cart - near his knee. You think they would complain - imagine the scratches he put on that table setting up every day!
Posted by: klcdh | Mar 30, 2005 4:00:29 PM
It took me a full minute to realize that the desktop was not placed there by the Starbucks. Something about the brain not wanting to accept the truly inexplicable.
Posted by: jackie | Mar 30, 2005 4:05:32 PM
If you notice in the second picture, I'm not sure the barista in the background knows what to make of this either. If you work there, do you go up to this guy and ask him to leave? What if he answers, "dog-dog"? Then it's awkward and you're fucked. My SB is in the Chicago Title & Trust building, it is a "counter-only" branch. I prefer Caribou, I think, anyway. I don't understand the whole purpose of spending half a day on a PC at the coffee shop anyway.
Posted by: Mike | Mar 30, 2005 4:40:44 PM
It is clear that this is some alien being trying to adapt to our culture, albeit, a poor attempt. Please use extreme caution during interview.
Posted by: Collin | Mar 30, 2005 4:54:56 PM
So, after checking out Stephanie's story and linking through to her source, I realized that this clown is sitting around the corner from my office. I had to check him out.
Early to mid-twenties. Hunched over the keyboard and either typing code or im'ing someone. (I couldn't tell in my brief fly-by.) Back to the window. Big-ass bottle of Dr. Pepper sitting on the desk. Wires everywhere. Blue windbreaker draped over his hand-cart for his computer. Would clearly be classified among the kids who rode the small bus to school but for his computer prowess.
But what was most impressive about the situation is that no one seemed to mind or pay him any attention. Just another loony New Yorker doing his thing. Damn -- I love this town.
Posted by: H | Mar 30, 2005 5:18:05 PM
Requested questions:
Does he always carry a desktop?
Does he carry a power surge?
Does he have to pitch in on the electric bills for every coffee shop he hangs at?
Does he know how silly he looks or are we all on a hidden camera show as his victim?
Posted by: stoli | Mar 30, 2005 8:32:39 PM
I feel so lame that I didn't get what was so interesting when I first looked at the picture. Then I had a friend point it out, how crazy is he?
Posted by: Kate | Mar 30, 2005 10:20:45 PM
YOWZA! Maybe he is red wagon pulling serious...or maybe a Napoleaon Dynamite-esque performer??
Posted by: KT | Mar 30, 2005 11:00:58 PM
Hey, as long as the dude's a paying customer, who gives a shit. So the poor guy doesn't have a laptop. Kudos to him for having the balls to show up there with that beastly hardware. Looking forward to hearing about the interview.
Posted by: Plantation | Mar 31, 2005 12:12:32 AM
Stephanie, don't ya know that's one of them new-fangled "portable" computers? :-) It's kind of like the new Mac mini.
Hey, maybe he's one of your hungered-for stock brokers monitoring his day-trading. See if you can get him to take you to Balthazar.
Posted by: Ben L. | Mar 31, 2005 1:48:13 AM
That is hysterical!
Posted by: al | Mar 31, 2005 9:09:55 AM
That is bizarre- just bizarre.
Posted by: Kristi | Mar 31, 2005 9:32:49 AM
this pic makes you sad. Not the guy in the pic-but you. The guy doesn't have a lap top, this bothers you? Of course it does. Money-makes the world go round. I hope you meet a really really rich guy, really rich, and then write about how he wants you to look 10 years younger excercise 3 hours a day to keep your 30 something yr old body from looking saggy, dye your beautfiul reddish greyish hair, monthly, stick fingers in your throat from all the great places you eat at, they will make you fat-and finally really really rich guy dumps you for a poor young sexy Bronx born latino girl who fucks him in bed, good.
Posted by: tomasina | Mar 31, 2005 9:53:29 AM
Fuck! You've found me out.
Posted by: Robotnik | Mar 31, 2005 10:21:16 AM
Tomasina, tell us how you really feel. No, seriously...How can you not think that this is funny? Who the hell lugs a desktop to Starbucks? Even more so, who does it with a monitor that size? The laptop comments have nothing to do with money. They have to do with convenience. If this was about money, shouldn't we be questioning why he is drinking Starbucks coffee? It isn't exactly cheap you know.
Posted by: Tom | Mar 31, 2005 11:03:06 AM
Where do you get your hair done?
Posted by: molly | Mar 31, 2005 11:17:59 AM
Oh my god.
That is too funny.
I wish we had Starbucks so I could do that and be the subject of someone else's blog.
Posted by: ~jess~ | Mar 31, 2005 12:21:53 PM
You all have it wrong. That is the guy Stephanie is looking for! He will pick her up under her building's awning, with a white horse and carriage, take her to Per Se, where he knows both Thomas Keller and the sommelier, and they will eat "oysters and pearls" and drink 1990 Corton Charlemagne (don't worry, no oak), and thereafter they will hit the VIP room at the Soho House, where the guy sits on the board.
Posted by: Pknut | Mar 31, 2005 1:15:32 PM
HA!!
Looking forward to the interview.
Posted by: KrisTSip | Mar 31, 2005 2:00:46 PM
Wouldn't that be a liability for Starbucks? I mean, what if someone trips over those wires? I'm serious.
Posted by: Kat | Mar 31, 2005 2:23:48 PM
Someone is not a fan of you.
It's sad people feel the need to be elitist blogging whores. If you are excited about your success, there is no reason why you shouldn't share it with whomever you please.
Some people just like to be dicks (and often for no reason other than to appear cooler than they actually are) If I were you, I wouldn't take this as an insult but just laugh it off. She's obviously a miserable bitch who is just so insecure that she has nothing else better to do than post her distaste for people she doesn't even know. If it makes you feel better, I've seen her picture and she's the size of a linebacker.
Posted by: Daniel | Mar 31, 2005 3:44:22 PM
im perusing this blog bc i noted that this chick got a book deal for 500k. and all i see is a half-assed, mediocre writer stealing from sex and the city. without the sexiness, and without the humor. its luke warm bathwater all over the place.
Posted by: runger | Mar 31, 2005 4:25:09 PM
You can't even punctuate. I hardly think you're qualified to be making judgment calls on writing, runger.
Posted by: This Fish | Mar 31, 2005 4:33:54 PM
LOL I saw him yesterday at the Starbucks on Madison in the low 40s and his little table was crammed into the corner by the window so that the monitor was two inches from his face and his back was against the wall. The best part is that he was fully crashed out with his mouth wide open and drool creeping down his chin.
Posted by: Sol | Mar 31, 2005 4:51:06 PM
Even though I don't agree with the superficiality of it all, I LOVE your writing and I've been checking out your blog for a while now. You're like a sitcom character, a real life "carrie". You're exciting, and your success is inevitable.
You're a great writer, and who cares what people think about who you are, or the fact at that you think tiffany jewelry is crap. I'm excited for every next epsiode...because if you can find the guy of your dreams, then we're all in luck.
Posted by: jessie | Mar 31, 2005 4:56:07 PM
Don't worry, runger. Faulkner couldn't punctuate either, and he turned out all right.
It's silly to begrudge people their book contracts--sometimes, the story told matters a lot more than the storytelling. I'm sure Ms. Klein's book will do fine, and the rest of us should be glad that it will.
And for the record, Lindsay is incredibly hot.
Posted by: John Green | Mar 31, 2005 4:56:58 PM
This blog is intriguing AND addictive! Ben and I got a chuckle from the last post. Keep on blogging. :)
http://www.washingtonsocialites.com
Posted by: Sally Quinn | Mar 31, 2005 5:18:58 PM
I assume you've seen this...it's made its way to Gawker as well:
http://lindsayism.com/2005_03_01_archive.php#111229571283958404
Comments?
Posted by: t2 | Mar 31, 2005 5:22:17 PM
That's how I found you! Kisses and hugs.
Posted by: Sally Quinn | Mar 31, 2005 5:24:30 PM
Actually, thru www.gawker.com . As they say, no news is bad news. Keep your chin up cutey! ;)
Posted by: Sally Quinn | Mar 31, 2005 5:26:31 PM
Way to lower the bar for real writers everywhere. The state of publishing these days is truly depressing - and you are a prime example.
As for those of you who think this is good writing - you must be watching alot of Sex & the City reruns and purchasing your reading materials on line at the supermarket.
Posted by: patty | Mar 31, 2005 5:43:16 PM
Wouldn't that be "in-line at the supermarket" as opposed to "on-line at the supermarket?"
Posted by: Sally Quinn | Mar 31, 2005 5:48:09 PM
Hey!!! what's the point of criticizing a blog? You might as well correct people's conversations as you pass them on the street. Congrats on your book deal. So after puting someone through medical school you're what, $25 in the black? Only kidding! You deserve it, and any other blessings you've worked hard for. If you need a tax accountant, I work for pizza and beer
Posted by: Harry Carray | Mar 31, 2005 5:49:39 PM
What a silly blog!
Posted by: Topher | Mar 31, 2005 6:29:02 PM
The Gawker post is probably the best thing that ever happened to your site. I'd love to know how much traffic they've driven to YOUR site today. POST THE NUMBERS! It's the most hilarious party of this circular story.
Posted by: Bernard Kerik | Mar 31, 2005 6:33:28 PM
To assume that Stephanie needs comforting and hand-holding over this is to underestimate her. I'm pretty sure she's smart enough to recognize publicity when she sees it (not from me, from Gawker - only 10 people read me.) I mean her no harm and she knows it.
(Now, off to sack the quarterback!)
Posted by: lindsay | Mar 31, 2005 7:30:51 PM
Ahoy, maties! What be the purpose of this har blog?
Posted by: MobyDickless | Mar 31, 2005 8:02:51 PM
Oh Sally (and Ben), don't you have a cocktail party at Chris Mathews'/Tim Russert's/Andrea Mitchell's and Alan Greenspan's/Maureen Dowd's/Bob Woodward's house to attend?
Posted by: Robotnik | Mar 31, 2005 8:21:09 PM
Most of us have been waiting for the bar to be lowered for years! I'm not expecting it anytime soon.
BTW, most 'real writers' consider alot to be two separate words. Ithink.
Posted by: brando | Mar 31, 2005 10:03:04 PM
as i've always known, with success the day will come when the spectators feel the need to judge you, think they understand you, express jealousy for your talents and success. this manifests itself in many ways. on a blog it occurs with real-time catty chatter. there are those that create and those that tear down. before you press "post" for your next comment, ask yourself which side of the fence you are sitting on.
Posted by: the suitor | Mar 31, 2005 10:49:47 PM
Thank goodness--finally a blog that isn't self-involved!
Posted by: Greek Tragedy | Apr 1, 2005 12:52:45 AM
Sometimes insults and harsh constructive or non-constructive comments can be the fuel of another's ambition. Those brandishing negative expressions should consider that they are only hurting themselves and that when they wake up one day they will find that they have that many more regrets with which they have to reconcile their conscience.
I am eager to read or hear about your interview with the non-"deranged" fellow. Legend has it that Diogenes carried a lamp during the day to aid his search for an 'honest man.' Maybe the joke is on or the shortcoming in appreciation resides in us.
I hope you will continue being generous to those whom you have inspired such as Urban Barbara. If people have a 'problem' with your generosity, they should either try extending even more or acknowledge it with a few words of praise. If they are tempted to express malevolent or unpleasant thoughts, they should trace the thoughts to the sources in the mind that produce them and begin the work of finding inner peace and a clear conscience, the softest pillow for one's head.
Posted by: fuel | Apr 1, 2005 1:48:47 AM
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by: MobyDickless | Apr 1, 2005 2:49:50 AM
Hey Steph,
Keep up the good work. I enjoy your writing. I'm no literary critic, just a simple I-banker, but I love your writing. As much as the web is a wonderful place for us all to share and communicate, it is also an outlet for some pretty warped people - as we can see by some of the comments above. Why anyone would go so far out of their way to trash you is beyond me. One would think that if they had a problem with your blog, that they would either offer some constructive criticism or simply move on. But the anonymity of the web causes people to reach deep down into those primal recesses of cruelty, jealousy, and insecurity. Presumably, bringing you down a notch, lifts them up... presumably, but I doubt it.
Anyhow, you should take the attacks as a sign of success.
Posted by: VP | Apr 1, 2005 9:08:24 AM
Actually, it's not bitterness that inspires this criticism. It's the human need to speak truth and acknowledge reality: She's an average writer with a marketable platform. (Ok, it also appears she's attention-seeking and narcissistic with no natural impulse for privacy, but that's between her and her therapist). She fancies herself the next Carrie Bradshaw, and the investment bankers on this board fancy themselves real-life Mr. Bigs. A big New York fantasy for everyone to share, and why shouldn't she get $500k for that? After all, Candace Bushnell can't write, either, (just her old editor at the Observer), but she knows how to market herself, and that's its own kind of talent.
Posted by: Anna | Apr 1, 2005 9:25:14 AM
Well, despite the fact that the comments got completely fubar'd, I'm waiting to hear about the interview! I'd like to hear what Mork had to say!
Posted by: Emily | Apr 1, 2005 10:31:40 AM
AND...I always thought "alot" was a judgement call thing.
Posted by: Emily again | Apr 1, 2005 10:33:03 AM
I am aware that a public platform like this will bring on alot of negative comments. I hope they make you all feel better about yourself. You all sound like you're having an imaginary pissing contest. I bet Stephanie enjoys writing all of these entries very much. Screw all of you who can conjure up nothing but negatives. It's a free country, and if you don't like what you read, then I'm sure that me along with many other loyal readers will show you the door. Here's to the lady! C'mon and swing, Steph!You're platinum...
Sincerely,
Matthew
Posted by: Matthew | Apr 1, 2005 10:37:41 AM
"On line" is the regional (New York City and surrounding area) version of "in line". It's like when people out west say "pop" instead of "soda". Only recently has "online" come to mean on the Internet.
Posted by: Melisa | Apr 1, 2005 11:02:55 AM
Ok, just to be fair, I think her photos are lovely (though the "photos of me" page is a bit much). And she has survived a major trauma, and she certainly has every right to be happy. She even has the right to write about her life, and if you enjoy this, more power to you. But I'm reeeeaaaaaaaly tired of this kind of banal, self-obsessed writing. Personal essays are one of the most difficult forms. Lots of people have the ego to do it, but few have the talent.
But you're right, Matthew. If I don't like it, I don't have to read it anymore.
Posted by: Anna | Apr 1, 2005 11:04:10 AM
Tomasina you are just way too dramatic. You don't find that picture at all funny? It has nothing to do with money..laptops dont cost THAT much more than regular computers, it just seems ridiculous that someone would cart their huge ass computer to starbucks! Taking things way too seriously...
Posted by: ali | Apr 1, 2005 12:19:37 PM
This has to be the most news-worthy human interest piece I've seen in a while. I've already called fox 5, eyewitness and wpix---maybe we can help him get a job.?? He obviously has some great skills.
My entire department has been watching this guy for over two weeks. We have even sent someone down to go get pictures to circulate because its the oddest thing we've seen EVER. There was even a 'conspiracy theory' circulating with the notion that perhaps Starbucks strategically placed this guy there to creat a 'buzz'.
Posted by: Kerry | Apr 1, 2005 2:43:07 PM
This guy attacked me. He had his cart locked to a city garbage can that was full. I threw my trash in the cart and he came flying out of Starbuck's like a bat out of hell, screaming. I told him to go back inside or I'll hit him in the mouth. He took the trash out of his cart and went back inside. Now listen, I'm not a violent person who goes around picking fights. But when a spazz comes out of nowhere with pencil in hand, it's time to protect yourself. Sorry Corey. You get a quarter from me everyday your posted up in Star.... And ohh, IM can be just as bad of an addiction as coke. Stop typing lines and clean yourself up, get a job to support your habit.
Posted by: jb | Apr 1, 2005 3:11:28 PM
"Sally Quinn" - in New York, being "on line" is the most commonly used phrase to express what people from other states call being "in line". She was correct.
Posted by: smitty | Apr 1, 2005 3:48:42 PM
Just flew in from the planet Zatox. I've read your comments, Earthlings. Obviously, there are no signs of intelligent life on this planet. 40 years ago, I was sent down here to to assist two Earthlings named Fred and Barney. I called them dum-dums. One would think there would have been some sort of improvement over these years. Guess not. How disappointing. This Greek Tragedy person has potential, however. Hmmm. Popping out now. See you in 40 years.
Posted by: Gazoo | Apr 1, 2005 8:58:51 PM
Enough already. Let's hear more about Curious George.
Posted by: Trish | Apr 3, 2005 6:06:14 AM
FYI: Corey's making comments on Chris' website. Very interesting.
http://www.chrisdiclerico.com/mt/archives/001763.php
Posted by: ap | Apr 3, 2005 6:39:55 PM
A new hi-tech homeless !!
;-)
Posted by: Malaga | Apr 23, 2005 11:29:42 AM
I didn't know he does it everyday! I and my boyfriend saw him a couple of weeks ago and we thought he bought second-hand computer from shop nearby. Ha, ha, ha. I really didn't know he does every day!!!!!
wow.
Posted by: mik | Apr 28, 2005 5:35:31 PM
