Greek Tragedyhi

questions and answers

I'm heading off to Houston today, where I'll be speaking at the JCC with ice cream in hand tonight. The woman who runs the program asked if I was open to taking questions from the audience. Could that, she asked, be the format for the evening? Absolutely. I love questions. So in the spirit of them, today I'm open to yours. Got questions? I'll try to answer all of them. Post away.

OOOOPS! I JUST REALIZED TONIGHT THEY WANT ME TO SPEAK FOR 45-50 MINUTES. THE QUESTIONS FORMAT IS FOR TOMORROW NIGHT IN SAN ANTONIO! I totally love winging it anyway. I can talk about myself forever anyway.

ALSO, I will answer all your questions, so if you see one I've skipped over, it just means I haven't had time to respond yet, but I WILL respond. It might just take time.

Update on Phil's Health: He feels fine. He has always felt fine. Symptom-free. He went to the doctor yesterday and returned with a huge arrangement of flowers for me. For no reason. It made me happy and a little wary. What's he not telling me? And in his way, he couldn't answer my questions straight up. He drip-fed me little bits of the appointment throughout the day and night, little pockets of information. What I know: his genetic testing came back negative, except we know that of people who 100%; have this specific genetic defect, only 50% test positive for having it. So it gets us nowhere. His pacemaker is working, hard. All the time. His ejection fraction is low, 45 I think. It's concerning. But we'll see if it's trending down, since his ejection fraction used to be at 65 (though I remember it being at 70, he disagrees). So we're seeing if it trends. He'll need an ablation at some point, but he refuses to talk about it. He's still in atrial fibrillation and at a high risk of stroke, even being on blood thinners. The longer he stays in a-fib, the harder it will be to repair it. His quality of life, they tell him, will take a turn (moreso than usual), if he stays in a-fib, though they don't know when. I asked the doctor what he would do if it was him, or if Phil were his son, what would he tell him to do, and he said, "I'd do whatever I had to, to get out of a-fib." Phil is going to see Natale (a very well known electro guy) next week. We'll see what he says.

What Scent Do You Wear: You can see the perfume I wear by clicking here

what to read when people are eating

In choosing what to read from Moose now that I'm touring a bit for the Jewish Book Fair, I sometimes leave it until the last minute--you know, gauge the crowd. I'm not exactly going to read a passage about slap bracelets and stonewash to a generation that doesn't know from playing M.A.S.H. (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House). Certain things just don't translate out of context, or out of generation.

Today at the Austin JCC, before I took to the stage, I found a good passage about the time I'd missed a teen nutrition class in Fran Levine's basement and was hurled into the adult world of food therapy for a weekly weigh-in session. Perfect. I'd read about the time I asked Fran for advice on how to deal with the fact that my mother always bought my father a goodie for after dinner, and how it drove me crazy because he'd hide them from me, but I'd always find them. It was a funny scene, in particular, as such a young girl, to be in a church basement somewhere hearing adults confess their eating sins. A woman ate a jar of fruit spread but didn't think condiments "counted." One woman was a Holocaust survivor and couldn't leave food over on her plate. One man got on the scale and said the letters, "M.S" to Fran, hoping she'd deduct three pounds from his weight. He'd seen her do it for other clients before. "Henry," Fran told him, "M.S. stands for menstrual cycle."

Cute story, I thought--you know, to read to a crowd of women who could, whether or not they've ever had body image issues, relate. Except as I read silently, half-way through the passage, I realized, at the bottom of the page a "scene" was coming. Words I didn't want to read aloud just after reciting a prayer over the bread.

"I always find whatever he's hidden and eat some. The other day I found an apple pie in his bedroom dresser!"  I didn't mention the fact that I'd gone in there to grab his Truly Tasteless Jokes book. I'd read passages for detailed scenarios then masturbate to words like "bush," "spread," and "cream."

When it was my turn to address the crowd of over 250 women, I decided instead to read a "dressing room" scene with my mother and skipped the "self loving" moment above in favor of a "self-doubt" moment about fart sounds and pruning breasts because well, people were, after all, eating.

pilots and airplanes

I'm at the airport on my way to Denver. Scheduling delays. I couldn't sleep last night, worried about the pilot story for Straight Up and Dirty, struggling with whether or not it's the right story to tell, wondering if it sets up the series and tone of the show the way I want it to.

I wonder if it's like a wedding dress. You know, something that when you try it on, you just know it's the one. I'm waiting for that to happen, but with the twenty or so stories I've come up with, I don't feel that about any of them yet. It's why I'm hoping it's less about the story I'm telling and much more in the telling of it.

It's no small task: establishing the characters, and how they fit into Stephanie's life, carving out where the show will live (apartment, hangout spot, office, etc.), all while showing her frame of mind, externalizing her internal struggle, setting up conflicts between characters, defining desires and needs. Her desires can't be vague, either. "She wants to find herself," just ain't gonna cut it. They have to be specific enough that the audience knows the moment she gets what she wants. Or doesn't.

Her opponents (regular opponents, not random men who ask her to go dutch on a date) need to attack her greatest weakness so she's forced to grow. And these opponents have to be necessary, with their own weaknesses and opposing values, yet share similarities with her, too. Each of her opponents has to attack her weakness from a different angle, and in as different a way as possible from one another. All this, and it has to be funny. It is, after all, a half-hour comedy. I might think too much, but I need the answers to these questions before I can think about the funny. I need the bone structure so I know it has longevity. I've actually already worked that bit out and am now left with the task of creating the story I'm going to tell, of all the possible stories in the book. In less than thirty minutes, we need to know where Stephanie is now that she's divorced, what it is she wants, and get a sense of what's in store for her now...and all while referring to myself in the third person.

Then tonight, I'll need to shift gears and speak about chubb rub and chunky-dunking. I'm not really planning on reading from Moose, but I might just slip in a quick page or two, to give the audience a better sense of the book. You know, show, not tell what the book's about. I NEVER know what to select. It's the same issue I have with choosing just one pilot story. There's so much there. So many topics covered, and I only get one chance to convince people to stick around and watch it, or read it. From those of you who've read the books, I'm listening.

five stop tour schedule for moose

DENVER, CO
Thursday, Oct. 30
7:00 PM
$8 Adults
$6 Seniors, Students, Children
350 Dahlia St.
Denver, Co. 80246

AUSTIN, TX-- TEXAS BOOK FESTIVAL
Stranger Than Fiction: Me and My Memoir
Sunday, Nov. 2
2:30 PM
FREE, Open to the public
State Capitol Building
Capitol Extension Room E2.026
FREE Parking locations for the general public are:
Granger Parking Garage, 12th & Guadalupe (west of the Capitol)
Visitor Parking Garage, 12th & Trinity; State Parking Garage @ 14th & Trinity (east of the Capitol)
All State parking lots northeast of 15th Street & Lavaca (north of the Capitol)

AUSTIN, TX
Thursday, Nov. 6 Book Lover’s Luncheon
11:00 AM
$28 General Admission
$25 Students, Seniors, JCAA Members
JCC Community Hall
7300 Hart Lane
Austin, TX 78731

HOUSTON, TX
Wednesday Nov. 12
7:15 Pre-lecture ice cream reception
Free to series ticket holders
$9 JCC Members
$13 Public
5601 S. Braeswood
Houston, TX 77096

SAN ANTONIO, TX
Thursday Nov. 13
7:30-9:00 PM
$10 per person or $30 for 2 tickets and a copy of the book
Barshop JCC/ Holzman Auditorium
12500 NW Military Hwy
San Antonio, TX 78231

ATLANTA, GA
Nov. 20
7:30 PM
$10 Members
$15 Non-Members
Park Tavern
500 10th St, NE
Atlanta, GA 30309

Address 500 10th St, NE Atlanta, GA 30309

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book club questions

Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp
In chapter seven, when the girls are dressing up Daniel for the pageant, Stephanie admits, “I wanted his hips. Ironically, it’s what I thought of when I thought of feminine: narrow.” In fact, throughout the book, Stephanie describes fat in terms of both masculinity and femininity. She also correlates fat with sexuality and thin with “ladylike” manners. “Thin, petite, small, and narrow—all the things we were not—were feminine. Breasts that made blouses buckle were sexual.” Do you agree with her estimations? Do you think her opinion changed once she became a mother? How is female fat different from male fat? Do you believe fat is a feminist issue?

Why do you believe Stephanie titled chapter eleven American Pie? What elements of Don McLean’s epic song “American Pie” can you find within the text?

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Reader guides: I don't know if I'm for or against them. I think the beauty of art is taking from it what we need at the time. It definitely does become about us, even when it's someone else's story. Admittedly, a reader/book club guide gets you thinking about, and discussing, things you might otherwise have missed, but they also sometimes push you down a path, shaping how you feel about the book. And that's fucking annoying. Not the end of the world I guess. It's akin to the waiter approaching your table, before you've even tasted your food, and asking how everything is. Or worse, asking if you'd like fresh cracked pepper on your food, before you've even tasted it. How would I know? Give me a chance to form an opinion before you go willynilly flashing about town with an obelisk-like pepper shooter.

Sometimes if I'm reading a book with a reader's guide in the back, I'll peek at the questions, but I'll read too far down and spoil some surprising plot twist for myself. I can't help but chat a little. Sometimes I'll then fan through the unread pages looking for names. Did this guy I'm reading about now make the damn cut? Is he going to be in the story later? Do I need this information, or can I skip ahead? For such a relaxing pastime, I'm quite the anxious little reader.

how to judge a book by its (paperback) cover

If you never heard a thing about MOOSE. If you were an 18-35 year old woman, say, marching through a store, dead set on snagging up the newest [whatever floats your boat] book, which of these covers would you walk past, but then kind of double-back for? Judging a book purely on the cover, which of these would you touch and want to give a further look?
Option A:

Option B:

Option C:

Option D:

humility?

I sound jaded and scared of how unpalatable I appear to others when I link to press or speak of my own success. There's something called humility. I'm finding I have a hard time knowing when it's right to be humble or when it's just destructive.

"Having a low view of one's own importance" the dictionary defines Humble.

I'd always thought that to be humble was an admirable quality. Yet, I don't want to raise children who have or show a low estimate of their own importance. I want them to be proud. Period. To be grand and extraordinary and to think of themselves as such. Why would we ever want to downplay who we are, speaking of our accomplishments as if they're inconsequential or ordinary? I think it's possible to be gracious and polite without being self-effacing. It's possible to be out-loud proud without showing excessive pride and self-satisfaction in one's own abilities and achievements. It's, I hate to say it, about speaking only when spoken to. That is, only offering up such details when asked. Otherwise, you're a conceited blowhard, and you should be given a wire muzzle.

When on book tour, a few people asked me, "Aren't you so excited! I mean, you're a published author; did you ever think this would happen?" Here's the thing:

When it all began, when I was featured on the cover of The Independent, I was soaring. It's always the case that we feel our most elated when something great happens we hadn't at all anticipated. Good surprises lead to the most euphoric feelings, much more so than the ones we worked hard for, the ones we kept at, struggling for, which in the end never really feel as we'd thought they would. We feel proud, then, for accomplishing what we'd set out to do, but "proud" is a slightly different flavor than "ecstatic." As I've written before:

Intense emotion is felt when we’re blindsided by an event, when there weren’t visible indications of the sharp turn we were approaching.  He breaks up with you out of nowhere (either you missed the signs completely or you ignored them—either way, the pain is magnified when you don’t have the chance to predict how you’d respond).  Someone phones to tell you your dreams just came true, out of nowhere. You never had the opportunity to even imagine the happiness, so you experience it deeply.  There was no expectation. (read more about impact bias here)

I wasn't just soaring. I was afraid to talk about it, worried I'd seem too boastful. I'd written:

You want to invest your luck properly, be conservative, despite being young, you want to hoard the moments and keep them. Terrified you’ll piss off the fate gods, you think before speaking, worried you’ll say the wrong thing and jinx things.  You don’t know whom you can tell, or how much telling is an overindulgence...Is this really happening? Like, can I tell the cab driver? Is that safe? What if I whisper it? It will stay closer to me if I just whisper it.

I'll never forget those firsts. The thrill in them, and I'll never stop being grateful. It's why I make an effort to read every email and comment, why I try to help and offer advice when I can. It's the least I can do. I'll also add, though, that after a while, I sometimes forget how lucky I am. I sometimes take it for granted a little bit. I have to deal with the reality; that being a writer, whether it's blogging, books, TV, or film, it's a business. Negotiations. Marketing. Lawyers. Critics. Readers. Book Clubs. Cat & Mouse games. Interviews. Schedules. And all that tends to take over a bit of the day to day, where my energy isn't spent swooning about how thrilled I am to even have the opportunity. It's why I loved being on book tour (and why I'm heading out again in November--to Atlanta, Denver, San Antonio, and Houston). Because I was reminded, with each question, that these really are good problems to have. I feel incredibly blessed, and with that, still, comes that sting of fear... that moment when we all worry it will be pulled out from under us. When we worry we're coming off as too boastful, when we opt for humble in place of ego. Whatever the balance, I'm still, I have to admit, pinching myself. It's why I can't ever imagine a day where I won't still be blogging, even the self-indulgent posts like this one, where I struggle to find my footing on the lines we draw.

*Represented by CAA, I'm now officially writing and will be co-executive producing a show with ABC Studios and Brillstein Entertainment Partners. That's all there is to say right now, but I'm very excited about the opportunities and am ready to kick some little Jack horner in the coochie coo.

**Only because you asked, and only because I fucking love it and feel ridiculously privileged to wear such a sentimental gift: here are iPhone photos (sorry they kinda suck) of my new engagement ring setting, appropriately enough, posted today on our second year wedding anniversary.

September 16, 2008 in book publishing | Permalink | Comments (116)

view from the bay

Here's another of my live TV moments, filmed yesterday, here in San Francisco. I haven't quite figured out a way to import  this footage so it's quicker, but I'm taking suggestions from you tech-savvy bloggers. In the green room someone mentioned to me in passing, "Now you'll be able to add to your resume, 'OPENED FOR OPRAH'" given that my interview aired just before women tuned into Oprah. Woo hoo, if only I still had a resume.

being on

1. DSC_1718.jpg, 2. DSC_2042.jpg, 3. DSC_2060.jpg, 4. DSC_1931.jpg

I'm leaving Napa soon, heading to SF for an appearance on View From The Bay (KRON4) from 3-4pm, and then onto the BlogHer conference, where I'll hopefully make it to the newbie event on the roof of the St. Francis Westin.

I feel a little nervous, actually. It's always nerve-racking when I'm scheduled to do live events. It's the build up, the expectations, wondering what I'll be asked and if I'll be in a good place mentally. Sometimes, I'll admit, I'm so much in the groove of things, having answered the same questions repeatedly, that I fear I come off as disingenuous. When really, I feel very lucky. And then I get angry with myself--well, I have--about not stopping to really think about the question, just spitting out my pat answer. Getting irritated and forgetting what a serious blessing it is to do what I do, I want to bitchslap myself. No one has ever said anything to me, but there are times where I know things go well, and other times, when I don't feel like myself but whom I believe other people think I should be. AND I HATE HER. I think it takes practice to get to a place where you can be ON but can still be the off-hours you, who doesn't talk in sound bites.

I'm hoping that today on TV, and in the coming days at BlogHer, and Sunday on TV (KRON4 News Weekend for Sunday morning, 7/20 at 845am), and at my Moose book reading at Book Passage at the Ferry Building from 2-3pm on Sunday, I'm able to be the me I like and know, and not the always on, with something funny to add because people like and expect funny, ham that I tend to play. I also can't help but notice that when I'm asked questions about my life, I end up sounding like a self-help guru and feel the only thing missing is some type of musak with the pangs of a glockenspiel chiming in behind me. Then I put myself down for sounding like such a preacher teacher, but really, all I'm doing is speaking about what I've learned and lived hoping it might make someone else feel like they don't always have to be on. That's it's okay to have off days, and sometimes, it's even preferred.

liar liar $250 giveaway

Congratulations to L of the blog Love This Life. She's won an Hermes twilly scarf for spreading the Moose love by embedding one of the Moose trailers on her site. These scarves make beautiful bracelets, headbands, and um, very sexy blindfolds... you know, for when you need your rest while traveling to holiday weekend weddings this summer. Congratulations L.

Next up, if you'd like a chance to win a $250 visa gift card, all I ask is that you lie. That is, click on over to Divine Caroline (where you'll need to register, free) and submit a lie you've told at some point in your life, including perhaps what motivated you to lie, what was the payoff? Did you learn anything from it--you know, aside from the fact that the whole business of not being able to look someone in the eye while lying is a complete lie unto itself?

how we spend our 4th of July

Ears of corn, cold crispy cherries, a bowl of macerated berries. A cake decorated like the US flag. Shriveled hotdogs. Picnics. Somehow sand always enters the picture, even if you haven't been to the beach. Bunting. A red bandanna around the neck of a pug or a golden retriever. Pinwheels. And lots of cold white wine. It's such a clean holiday. Catalog neat. A fixed set of expectations and norms mingling with the whimsy of summer. Jersey tomatoes, fresh salted cheese, a chiffonade of basil from someone who gardens. Pitcher drinks. Half-days at work, where you wonder why you had to show for the first half at all. From last year's Fourth of July entry:

It was my resolution, and come July 4th each year, I remember it. I celebrate it. And when the fireworks sound from afar, and I begin to grinch out on them, unsure what the whole appeal is, I'll remind myself that I should be proud. Proud that I cut myself off, forced myself to sever the bad ties and took steps toward my own independence. Even though I'm married with children now, a mother with her own two dependents, I like to remember and honor the strides I took to get here.  And for me those steps required me to walk away, not toward, someone. I like this idea, that the 4th of July should serve as a reminder not just of our country and those who fought and continue to fight for it, but should keep us in check, questioning our resolutions and reminding us where we want to go to feel our most free.

I'm proud of what I've gone through to get here. And when I say "here" I don't mean married or mommy, I mean away from my sandbagging behaviors. I'm proud that I have the courage to live out loud, in the face of people who'll always look to tear me down for doing just that. And I sincerely hope in sharing how I got here it will encourage others to live their most free lives, free of the fear of what others might think.

It's as true today as it was last year. It's one of the best things about keeping a record of your life: you have the ability to chart your progress, to check in and keep yourself honest. In the coming year, I hope to learn what the hell balance is because I'm finding it's really just an act. I love my time with my children, studying their bodies, knowing the turn of each curve, the shape of each toe, the exact expression of their bellybuttons. I also love what I do for a living. I love creating things that touch people, that possibly make people laugh, or even cry, but mostly make them think. The bottom line is this: when I think of my identity, who I really am, do I think "mother" or do I think "writer" first? I guess it depends on the day, or the minute. Sometimes I feel like a failure at both, other times, I feel like I should be bronzed. Okay, not really. I know the key is to wear all of our identities loosely, that we shouldn't just see ourselves as our career, our relationship, or our family tree. We're more than any of those things, and if one descriptor goes away, however sad and seemingly defeating, there's a lot more to us. Figuring out how many balls to juggle is my challenge right now. Because unlike what I've been told, I cannot have it all.

I recognize that in the past it was all about turning away instead of toward someone, but now I'm with someone. In the coming year, I want to make strides to change, so there's less yelling in this house, fewer power struggles, and much more harmony. It's a chance to create my own fireworks and light, and I'm not letting it pass me by.

Fourth of July posts of my past:

July 4th, 2005: I felt like I had to kiss her back or else I'd be seen as a horrible kisser. I mean, I'd rather go down in history as bisexual before I was thought of as a bad kisser. There's nothing worse than feeling like you're making out with an avocado.

July 4th, 2004 PHOTOS: Where I emancipated one too many a man from their bedposts

 

brunch & my thighs: the new white meat

Okay, so there won't be brunch. But this coming Sunday afternoon (June 29) at 3pm, in Austin's arboretum Barnes & Noble location, I'll be doing a reading and signing of Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp. So if you weren't able to make it to any of my other readings because they were during the week, or even if you were but just can't get enough (I never read the same thing twice at my readings), come stop by and say hello. There will be air conditioning. I might even sing. Next stop after that? The blogher conference in SF, followed by a reading in the Ferry Building. For more info, click it.

Fitting Room Nightmares

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Isn't bathing suit shopping in cruel lighting everyone's preferred activity of choice?

thank you

It was one of those things my parents had to remind me to say with "What do you say, Stephanie?" It's not that I forgot the words or my manners when my grandparents presented me with Rainbow Brite for Hannukah. Sometimes "thank you" seemed too small a gesture for the act, but mostly I'd stumble with gratitude because it meant accepting things. Receiving.  Admitting that someone made me happy, made things easier, that it was harder, or not as much fun, without them.

Thanking people, on some level, admits something softer. It concedes that you're vulnerable, in need or actually appreciative for something you wanted. It's kinda balls-to-the wind scary having to thank people because it can disclose not only what you value but what you want and what you need, especially when you spend so much of your time concealing such obvious pursuits, however unwitting.

Thank you to the Barnard women who organized events and cocktail hours in my honor, to the people who showed up but were turned away because they couldn't accommodate the crowd (I'm so sorry), and to all the volunteers in each city who arrived early, very early, who cut Miles of Chocolate, who baked cupcakes, lots of cupcakes! (Petite Treats in Dallas), for soliciting raffle prizes like hotel rooms, spa products, and massages. For always waiting until the end of the event, and for all the effort you put in before it even began. For keeping me company on the road, for getting a babysitter, for driving over four hours to meet with me for just a few minutes, for the one on one moments where you shared your lives (and pregnancy news) with me, for talking me into buying a pair of leggings, despite how long I've resisted the trend. Thank you.

Photos from the road are here, and if you have your own photos from any of the events, be sure to add them >>

stood up

I looked into the crowd at the faces in seats and toward the back where people were standing. It's an exciting moment, before your name is called, before you're announced into a room. But I wasn't thinking of that. I was looking for you, a woman I've only met via email. I've never seen a picture of you, but I hoped somehow I'd know it was you. You'd emailed to say you really wanted to be there, but you were worried you'd be the largest person there.

"Stephanie, you have touched me with your writing before but today made me cry.  What you wrote about dieting and weight and happiness really resonated with me.  I am planning to come to your reading to see you but had almost talked myself out of it because you are so thin and I'm sure all the other readers that will be there will be young and thin too and I am not any of those."

Reading it made my heart sink. It's not that I felt sorry for you; it's that I felt exactly like you did for so much of my life. I allowed my weight to discolor the brightest moments of my life, including my own pregnancy--a time where I should have been over the moon happy. And it made my heart hurt a little to read it. I responded to your email like a self-help tape with phrases like "Don't let fear govern your life." Then I added, "And all I can say is, we work shit up in our own heads, stuff other people wouldn't even think. We think everyone is staring, but what they're really thinking is, "did what I just say make sense?" or "does my breath smell," or "I wonder if his mom liked the bowl I bought her." People are all a little self absorbed, and chances are they are not thinking about you the way YOU think of you. Everyone is walking around worried to some degree. Live, laugh, love, and cry, sister-friend. I am with you, 100%, and I can't wait to meet you!!!! I consider you a friend."

You closed your email with this: "Thank you for your writing. It inspires me, makes me laugh and makes me cry.  I can't wait to read your book and meet you. I will be the most fat person there.  Don't worry, my girth isn't newsworthy - you know, "woman had to be removed with a forklift from her house" but I will be the short, fat woman with cat hair on her shirt.  No, I will remove the cat hair."

When it came time for me to sign books, a woman approached and told me her name. It was your name. I repeated it, lighting up, thinking she might be you. But it wasn't. And it made me sad not to meet you. I just hope you know, as much as you've expressed wanting to meet me, I too was looking forward to meeting you. And I apologize if my use of "sister-friend" scared you. It scares me, too.

a little help from my friends

I love this. I love sitting on panels and meeting readers, both old and new, love hearing your stories and signing your books. Thank you.

I don't love it when I walk into a store and cannot find my books. I don't love it that the bookstore has one copy buried in the weight loss section, with just the spine showing, or on the New Biography shelf (not even a table).  All those front of store tables you see when you walk into your local bookshop are paid placements. My publisher is paying for that placement, and yet I haven't, not once, seen Moose on front tables.

So, I have a favor to ask. Can you please email me, and let me know where you're finding Moose in the store, including the day you saw it, and the exact location in the store, along with the store name? Also let me know how you found it, if you had to ask information, etc.

I have been receiving emails from people saying they cannot find Moose or even Straight Up And Dirty in stores. For those of you who already have copies, and for those waiting for your store to get a copy in, it's an enormous help if you ask (via phone or in person) the sales manager of each of your local stores if they have a copy of my books. In doing so, they realize there's a demand, and then they just may request an appearance at their store. I would be extraordinarily thankful if you could help me with this, as it will really help drive the success of Moose.  So, even if you already have copies of my books, if you could please call or beg that they get my book in, that would be extremely helpful.

Los Angeles Book Event!

MONDAY JUNE 9TH AT BOOK SOUP, 7PM!!!  JOIN ME FOR READING, SIGNING, RAFFLES, FUN, FRIENDS, HOOKING UP... C'MON L.A. FREE CHOCOLATE!!!

Book Soup, 8818 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90069 (map)

even the men at my readings are hooking up... or trying to

Oh, how I love to find out the makings of love are happening at my book readings.

From Craig's List:

Stephanie Klein Book Signing, Borders, Columbus Cir. - m4m - 28 (Midtown West)

You were at Stephanie Klein's book signing for Moose. I was in the second row; you were standing in back. We made eye contact once or twice while I was scanning the room for people I knew. After the reading, you were standing by the brownies, next to an Asian girl. I came over to say hi, but couldn't find the chance to work my way into the conversation. When I came back again, you were gone. Hit me up if you see this.

I'm on my way to Chicago now. I still need to write my speech for the DePaul University event Friday morning (open to the public, including the single public who love to love Craig's List) all about blurred boundaries. Speech writing 101 and I are about to go make out at gate 35.

today show

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First off, welcome Today Show watchers. You have no idea how many times I continued to repeat the name of my own site in my head, trying to make sure I remembered to mention it during my time on air with Natalie. Will post the video as soon as it's available (and I'll post my interview with Joan Hamburg). I grew up listening to Joan, and I just love that so many people have approached me saying, "My grandmother heard you on Joan Hamburg the other day!" I was also on Elliot In The Morning (so much fun) in Washington, DC. While there I was questioned about my 'rhea habits and asked if I'd scratch my elbow while on The Today Show this morning to signal if I had 'rhea this morning. I did not, actually have any real nerves, which is surprising, but true. At least I learned to cross my legs! Media to come.

If you're new here, look for the "Featured Entries" on the left side of the site. And if you're in New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, check out the tour dates and appearances of MOOSE.

Washington DC Tonight!!

TONIGHT JUNE 2 AT 7PM WE'LL BE AT OLSSONS BOOKS AND RECORDS, WASHINGTON DC, DUPONT CIRCLE.  RAFFLES, GIVEAWAYS, FUN, FRIENDS, CHOCOLATE, READING, SIGNING!!

MOOSE: A MEMOIR OF FAT CAMP Book Trailer

make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other is cold

JOIN ME TONIGHT AT BOOKS & BOOKS IN CORAL GABLES, MIAMI. 8PM. CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF MOOSE! FREE CHOCOLATE, FREE STEPHANIE, AND FREE FRIEND-ON-FRIEND ACTION

I haven't seen my mother since September, but we're together now in a hotel room. She's sitting on the sofa reading Moose for the first time. I'm watching as she reads it, pushing back her cuticles. I just now struggled with how to write that. "I haven't seen my mother since September, 2007" makes it seem like we're estranged, and we're not. We live across the country and don't speak as often as I'd like, and that's my fault mostly, as I don't really talk with anyone much over the phone these last few months. Or is it years? I've become a bit hermetic since having Lucas and Abigail, leaving my friends and family, picking up and moving to a city where I didn't know a single person. You'd think I'd have been a phone junkie, trying desperately to stay connected to all I left behind. Instead, I had babies and Costco with a two-car garage and as cliche as the scenario, I wanted a fresh start, to really view my life as an adventure.

Yes, I remember the Girl Scout motto: make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other is gold. Last time I checked the fashion FAQs, silver and gold just look tacky together. I know people argue that such fashion rules are archaic, but I prefer not to look like a pawn shop. Or a chump. Ever introduce two friends from different categories of your life, only to watch them making plans without you? We're taught at an early enough age to play nicely, to share our favorite toy, or half of our grilled cheese sandwich. But no one ever tells us to be generous with our friends because when you are, you risk losing them. And it's not the same with romantic relationships, where someone will speak of a bird in the hand, how it stays there, happy in your hand until you begin to tighten your grip and confine him. Then the "if you set it free and it comes back to you" crap people sling about endings. If you set a friend free in that analogy--"meant to be" or not--you could, quite possibly feel as rejected as you did at your first boy/girl party.

When I lived in New York, once I left my job in advertising to pursue my full-time writing career, I realized in a small way, I missed the random lunches with the random co-workers, and maybe it was time to leave my comfort zone a bit. Despite the friends I had and adored, it couldn't hurt to make new ones. I signed up to join The Lunch Club, a free service that plans events and introduces strangers over lunches and much more in New York. But in truth, I didn't make new friends, and like online dating, wondered if the people there only joined because they were desperate. I wasn't desperate when I turned to the lunch club or to online dating, so I know it's not the rule, but it still felt like the rule. And it seemed no one was playing by friend-rules anyway. It sucked to hear that while I had no plans, the two friends I'd introduced were off doing things together, without thought of including me. Catching a movie, sharing a cab to the 27th Street flea market, ordering in dinner. Especially since, I've always been so inclusive, living by the "more the merrier" adage. It seems that sometimes the more you bring together, the less merrier you'll be. Intellectually, it sounds so childish, and in practice, I'll just never be a greedy friend. In fact, I always introduce women to each other, certain they'll click, despite the knowing they might soon exclude me from their plans. I'll live as an adult and not a Judy Blume book.

planes, trains and automobiles

At 7pm Tuesday I got the automated phone message from American Airlines that my 6am flight to Dallas had been canceled and they had rescheduled me on the 9:30am.  Problem is I was to be on Good Morning Texas at 8:30am in Dallas.  There I was at my book release party in Austin with so many amazing people and an airline that just let me down.  Suffice it to say, a car service arrived at my home at 3:45am and drove me to the TV studio in Dallas where an interview took place. A live interview, where I felt half dead. The inability to properly cross my legs, the inability to wear a proper bra...the inability to stop playing with my hair when I'm nervous? One day I'll learn. Tomorrow, I'll be swimming in the ocean in Miami and I won't care about any of it.

fear of contradicting yourself

I've been doing so many interviews lately my head begins to spin.  What if I answered that question differently the last time? Will my answers come across as self-help rather than memoir?  Are interviewers trying to pidgeonhole MOOSE as a "how not to be a fat teen" book?  I know it is all in my head, but that's what makes me me, so deal with it.  The prize for stupidest question came from someone the other day.  The line of questioning went as follows-

Interviewer-  How much did you weigh at 13 years old?

Me- I was 165lbs and 5'2" 

Interviewer- How did you get that big?

Me- I ate three bowls of cereal instead of one

Interviewer- Stephanie, how could your parents afford all that food?  It must have been incredibly expensive.

Compare and contrast:

NPR Radio Interview(Audio)- Worth a listen!!

Torrid Stores

Woman's Day

Dallas Morning News

DivineCaroline

The Forward

Austin American Statesman

Newsweek

Woman's Day NEW EXCERPT

My Thighs: The Other White Meat

Click to Play

Not exactly kosher.

hermes love, giveaway

Holy crapjacks, that was seriously amazing. The response I received asking for volunteers to help fondle the chocolate (and guests) at all the events surrounding the Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp book tour have been incredible. Thank you all so much. I have my volunteers. I hope you'll forgive the fact that I cannot respond to all the emails, just know that I'm seriously thankful and can't wait to see each of you in person.

That said, I also want to share a little something with you, and maybe this is just the matchmaker in me, but every time I meet a man who's single (via IM, email, or in person), I totally pimp the event out as a singles scene. I can't help it. There are always plenty of single women at my readings, and what better way to celebrate the release of the Sex & The City movie than to point single men to a free event with a bunch of amazing women with which they'll at least have a better "opener" than, "Are those real?"

So thank you, and I hope my efforts, in some small way, return the favor. Now I'm going to log on to match.com and try to find some hotties to invite in each city. Okay, really I'm not. I'm going to instead go feed the taters some lasagna. But if you've ever for a second thought about doing online dating, and were a little nervous about going for it, use my reading and recommendation as your motivation. Have him meet you at the reading and go grab drinks afterward (never commit to breaking bread on a first meet-up).

As for the mamas and papas out there who cannot find a babysitter or whose babies' bedtime happens during one of the events, bring 'em with you. My kids will be there! Well, at least that's true of Austin, NYC, Long Island, and possibly LA. Besides, if they scream, I can scream over them. I've got a big mouth.

Ooh, and as for the prize for putting this video up on your site, one lucky winner (selected at random on June 4, so there's still time) will have his/her pick of one of these Hermes silk twilly scarves!:

Details are here

volunteers needed to fondle chocolate and guests

With the book tour coming up I have an ambitious plan to have Miles of Chocolate, giveaways, raffles and just plain fun at the bookstores that'll allow it. I'll have a publisher media rep with me and each of the bookstores have employees but I'm realizing I can't do everything myself or rely on them as they have their own jobs.  I need help!  If you are in one of the tour cities and can get involved it would be greatly appreciated. All I think is needed is to coordinate the chocolate and other goodies and help in distributing at the signing. Sounds easy enough, no? If anyone is in the cities below, please email me.  Thanks!

Austin, Dallas, Miami, Chicago, Washington DC, New York, Long Island, Los Angeles, Pasadena CA

fat girl slimish

I went to three different fat camps over five consecutive summers of my life, with that final summer spent as a counselor. In promoting Moose, I'm asked almost daily to provide fat photos, show some proof. It's not that anyone doesn't believe me. They just want to do the whole picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words thing, then add their own words, or in the case of Q&A's add my words. The problem is, with a nickname like Moose, I wouldn't (if you can believe it) sit still long enough for anyone to take my photo, unless it was deemed mandatory. As in, "You will not eat unless you pose for this." So I don't have many. And I certainly don't have any in my home, so a few days ago, I found myself emailing my father, "Send me fat pictures of myself! NOW!"

I should have clarified. I only needed fat pictures of myself then, not now. Because post-pregnancy with contact dermatitis that made my eye pucker like a piece of rotten fruit wasn't exactly what I needed (see the worst photo of me ever taken above, and a more recent photo below). It's not as if Moose is a memoir about losing half my body weight, so how fat I actually was isn't the point. Not to mention that aesthetically speaking, "fat" is such a relative term and seems to be different to everyone, something I explore in the book. Mostly, it's about what it was like at thirteen-years-old to be clinically obese and shipped off to fat camp. And realizing as a pregnant adult, forced to gain fifty pounds, the feelings and struggles of my past were far from long gone. The photos might not have been in my house, but the memories were being relived as I finished Moose.

such a pretty fat

I’d checked her blog here and there, mostly there. And I’d read enough to know she hated me, or at the very least my writing. WTF is up with hating someone you’ve never even met? You think I'd be used to it. Yet knowing she hated me made me kinda hate her back. Granted, I’ve never in my life ever written one negative thing about her, anywhere. Though I’ve thought it. I’ve thought, I hope no one shows up to her book signing. I hope she fails miserably. Because who the hell is she to hate me the way she does? I mean seriously?

Yes, I'm 32, not 12.

Somewhere, deep down, I knew I had to do something about it. Not about her hating me, about my beginning to hate her back. I don't like myself that way--it's too reminiscent of the jealousy and hate I reserved for a boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, one I'd never met but in a sick destructive way kept thinking about. I knew the best thing I could do for myself was just confront it. In person. Emails are a nightmare, a tangle of awkward and trying-too-hard.

I hoped in person I’d realize that we’re not all that different.Or gosh, maybe we really would be. Then what? Bitch throw down! Either way, I was determined to fight my own insecurities and do what I believed was right: to support a talented female author. So, I got in the car with my family and showed up to her reading.

Just being there made me like her. On a certain level, I think seeing someone in person strips a lot of the bullshit away. I bet it's why therapists don't want to only treat you via telephone, ahem. There's a lot to be said for hearing a voice, for seeing a person's reaction to the world around them. And in most instances it's disarming. And you realize you're dealing with a person, not a name, or an idea.

She reminds me of my sister Lea. She’s got a big mouth, and does but doesn’t care what people think. The punchline to many a joke ends with a variety of grape or a barrel-aged cheese. With me, the lines end with a toss up to masturbation or butter. But either way, on the line, if we cut to it, I saw a beautiful woman who knows how to work a room, a woman who has said the same thing before a crowd as she’s said before a camera, and as she says it, she’s thinking, “Wait, I’ve already said this. People know this. How can I say it differently this time?” I know she’s thinking this because I’m the same way.

We come off brave, heartless sometimes, but at the core, all any of us want is to be liked. We’re also big enough to realize not everyone is here to like us. And you know what? That’s okay, too. But for me, in this one case, it just wasn’t. It wasn’t okay for her to hate me, not until she actually met me. If she hates me based on me, I can live with that. But hating the idea of me, hating me because a die-hard reader of mine went psycho on her, has nothing at all to do with me. And I knew she’d know this. Even more than this, though, my hating her back wasn't okay with me. I don't like the idea of jealousy; it makes me squirm. I want to be happy for the people around me and believe they genuinely deserve the successes afforded them. But I couldn't do it from a distance.

Jen Lancaster’s book Such A Pretty Fat just hit the New York Times bestseller list, which is an amazing accomplishment. It means your readers love what you do, your publisher supports you, works for you, pays the money to keep your book at the front of the store, and means you are someone to watch. And I couldn’t be more sincere in saying, I’m thrilled for her.

People might think I’m crazy for posting this, but you know what? I believe in supporting talented women. I believe in facing your fears. I believe in doing things that maybe make you want to pound down a few glasses of vino before you do them. Life is about risk, and anything worth doing involves being scared at the beginning.

So when she asked if anyone had any questions, I raised my hand and eventually came to ask her what I asked David Sedaris and Ruth Reichel: is there anything you've ever published that you regret? To which she responded: Yes. I wrote a mean review, and I really shouldn't have. And I'm sorry.

I wasn't asking because of what she'd once written about me. I was asking because it's my go-to question, and I think the answers are always interesting. But there it was. The hugging came later. Incidentally, we'll be on a panel together at the Chicago Tribune's Printer's Row event in June. I hope to get her drunk.

I genuinely hope Miss Jen(n)* Lancaster appreciates how blessed she is, that she revels in the moment and doesn’t for a second worry about the sales of her next book. Because we writers have a tendency to go there, to that intersection of panic and crazed, and it’s always nice to hear from someone other than your mother or mocking therapist that it’s okay to enjoy the moment. It doesn’t have to take yoga to make you present; it takes a new admirer, a new friend, to reassure you that people will not forget you.

*Isn't the second "n" completely superfluous?**
**I heard Jen say this tonight at her Round Rock reading to a woman named Jenn.

just for you, poppa

My father doesn't know how to use Google Maps. He didn't realize you could scroll the list of cities on the left of the screen. That said, I'm posting tour information here... with all new cities, and this just confirmed... at all of the events, there will be free chocolate (it's healthy because it makes you smile) from Miles of Chocolate! Seriously, what's a fat camp book party without that? YUM!

Stephanie Klein on tour for Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp

	AUSTIN LAUNCH PARTY at Bookpeople Book Store 7 PM, Tuesday, May 27, 2008 603 N Lamar Blvd Austin, TX 78703
	ARLINGTON TX, Moose at Torrid in Parks-Arlington Shopping Center 3 PM, Wed, May 28, 2008 TORRID STORE 3811 S Cooper St Arlington, TX 76015
	DALLAS Moose at Borders Books Music & Cafe: Main 7 PM, Wed, May 28, 2008 10720 Preston Rd # 1018 Dallas, TX 75230
	MIAMI Moose Tour: Books & Books Inc 8 PM, Friday, May 30, 2008 265 Aragon Ave Coral Gables, FL 33134
	BETHESDA, MD, Moose at Torrid/ Montgomery Mall 3 PM, Monday, June 2, 2008 7101 Democracy Blvd Bethesda, MD 20817
	WASHINGTON, DC, Olsson's Books & Records with Stephanie Klein 7 PM, Monday, June 2, 2008 1307 19th St NW Washington, DC 20036
	WEST NYACK, NY Stephanie Klein at Torrid Store Palisades Center 3 PM, Tuesday, June 3, 2008 1000 Palisades Center Dr West Nyack, NY 10994
	MANHASSET, NY Barnes & Noble Booksellers with Stephanie Klein 7 PM, Tuesday, June 3, 2008 1542 Old Northern Boulevard Manhasset, NY 11576
	NYC, COLUMBUS CIRCLE, MOOSE: Borders Books Music Movies & Cafe 7 PM, Wednesday, June 4, 2008--Inside the Time Warner Building (upstairs) 10 Columbus Circle New York, NY 10019
	PARAMUS, NEW JERSEY, Torrid w/ Stephanie Klein, author of Moose 3 PM, Thrs, June 5, 2008 Torrid Store 1 Garden State Plaza Paramus, NJ 07652
	CHICAGO: DePaul University: Loop Campus with Stephanie Klein speaking on BLURRED BOUNDARIES 11 AM, Friday, June 6, 2008--8th floor of the DePaul Center (Loop campus). The talk will be from 11-12, followed by the book signing and reception from 12-1. 1 E Jackson Blvd Chicago, IL 60604
	CHICAGO AREA: Stephanie Klein at Torrid in Orland Square Mall 3 pm, Friday, June 6, 2008 288 Orland Square Orland Park, IL 60462
	Printers Row Book Fair, CHICAGO 1:30 PM, Saturday, June 7, 2008 3806 N Alta Vista Terrace (not sure if this is the right address) Chicago, IL 60611 (312) 222-3986
	LOS ANGELES: Book Soup with Stephanie Klein & Moose 7 PM, Mon., June 9, 2008 8818 W Sunset Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90069
	PASADENA, CA: Vroman's Bookstore with Stephanie Klein 7 PM, Tues., June 10, 2008 695 E Colorado Blvd Pasadena, CA 91101
	AUSTIN, TX, Lakeline Mall Torrid w/ Stephanie Klein 3 PM, Saturday, June 14, 2008 11200 Lakeline Mall Dr Cedar Park, TX 78613
	AUSTIN, TX: Sleep-in Sunday, Barnes & Noble Booksellers Arboretum 3 PM, Sunday, June 29, 2008 10000 Research Blvd Austin, TX 78759
	SAN FRANCISCO, BlogHer 2008 Conference at Westin-St Francis Hotel 5:15 PM, Saturday, July 19, 2008 Closing Keynote with the fantastic Heather Armstrong: Living the Truman Show 335 Powell Street San Francisco, CA 94102

Address 3 pm, Friday, June 6, 2008 Schaumburg, IL 60173

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lei day

It’s May 1^st, Lei Day. Also known as May Day, which kinda makes me want to switch on a Jane Austen film and watch the wealthy toss their polished coins in the air as stainless children dressed like puffs frolic about like sprites. May Day poles, wide ribbons, top hats, and wedding bells. Or, perhaps an overelaborate drink that tastes a bit like suntan lotion. May Day sounds like a holiday for women who wear hats. And knee highs. And who prefer potato salad to pretty much everything.

I'm celebrating with a pineapple garnish and paper umbrella. It's not just that's it's Lei Day. Within four weeks, Moose will be hitting shelves, and dammit, I've waited a long time for this moment. So I'm going to enjoy every little moment of it. Moose is the story I've wanted to tell my entire adult life. It's about a part of my life I really wanted to explore, and to forget, all at once. In it I tried to show how being an overweight adolescent shaped my adulthood. How many of the things I believed growing up turned out to be my own insecurities. My own untruths. I explore my relationship with my mother, first loves and what type of friend I was. Sitting on the floor next to boxes of journals and letters from that time brought back memories of stories and dramas. Moose is the telling of those memories.

In the coming month I’ll be making announcements about great companies and people I’ve partnered with for the launch of Moose. Each partnership was chosen for its positive message and devotion to community. There are retailers, product manufacturers, camp companies, websites, magazines, and even a game developer. A new stephanieklein.com is in the works with very cool features and content being developed in partnership with one of the largest, most respected web authoring companies. In addition, we’ve produced some really fun videos I’ll be going live with. All I can say is the support has been incredible, and I can’t wait to introduce everyone.

In Austin on the May 27^th release of Moose, I ’ll be at BookPeople. The people at BookPeople brought their Texas hospitality out for me and suggested making it a MOOSE RELEASE PARTY! So on that night we’ve brought together--through the generosity of some local companies--a camp-themed party. Tito’s Handmade Vodka will be supplying the bug juice. Miles Of Chocolate the decadent chocolate desserts, and of course, there will be giveaways and possibly a raffle. The night should be so much fun, and I can’t wait to meet everyone.

I’m hoping we can do something like this at all of my events. If I’ll be in your area, let me know of any local companies you think might want to take part, or if you work for such a company as well, shoot me an email. Let’s make each event a party! If all else fails I’m bringing cupcakes... or s'mores...

survival strategies

I have every cookbook ever sold. Or so Phil tells me every time I inch my way through our door with a new one. "What's in the bag?" he asks, "And can you still return it?" Cookbooks impart a great sense of comfort to my otherwise unruly life. They soothe my nerves and make me feel as if any task in my life, any worry, can all be annihilated by whipping up a tray of this or a pan of that. Comfort food, indeed. Mind you, I don't even need to compose the dish or blend the drink to feel better. Just knowing that I'd know exactly how to go about assembling a lemon crostada is salve enough.

Our kitchen is chockablock with everything from Nigel Slater, Alfred Portale, and Charlie Trotter, to Chef Interrupted and Barefoot Contessa, to Canyon Ranch and The French Culinary Institute's Salute to Healthy Cooking. Having them around makes my house feel like a home. Oh, but I do admit, I feel the same way about art supplies and a loaded pantry. It's not that I plan to make anything with five boxes of cake mix, but to open the cabinet and see the boxes there, all aligned and waiting for the day when I'll be the type to bake, makes me feel like I've got my shit together.

Today a book comes out that I'm over the moon about--HUNGRY GIRL: RECIPES AND SURVIVAL STRATEGIES FOR GUILT-FREE EATING IN THE REAL WORLD. Lisa Lillien has managed to take her insanely popular free daily email www.hungry-girl.com and create the definitive recipe book.  Her Frozen Margarita is my fave. I only wish I were in New York for her book signing at Borders in Columbus Circle tonight, Tuesday, at 7pm (same place I'll be reading from MOOSE on June 4th) and meet Hungry Girl. She's someone I call friend, as will you once you meet her.

blowjobs and beginnings

There's always that awkward moment when someone has read your book and they don't know quite what to say to you. My sister-in-law, I remember, was on the phone with me, saying she'd just begun to read Straight Up and Dirty. "I warned you that it was dirty," I said, detecting restraint in her voice.
"I mean, well, I guess I just didn't expect the book to start with a blowjob."
"What?!"
"Yeah, you're in the closet giving your wasband a blowjob."
"I am not! Are you reading the right book?"
"Yes, you've got your head in the hem of his pants." I think for a moment that she's misread something, but then I fear that I'd written it in this unintentional, ambiguous way.
"Wait a minute," I say. "You cannot give a blowjob with your head in the hem of his pants, no matter how creative you are."
"Oh," she said. 

I've since revisited said opening paragraph of the book, and I kinda like that people (albeit very few people) thought I was performing a género chico.

proposals

"Between The Sheets" is coming. I'll be including deleted material and additional material, things like excerpts from my actual proposals, emails where I quizzed my friends, asking them to name their fears and contents of their handbags. Here's a quick excerpt from my book proposal for Straight Up and Dirty:

Each chapter chronicles the exploits of a pre-30 divorcee.  Dating changes drastically once your winged arm has a thick stack of red flags under it.  It’s no longer, “is he Jewish, wealthy, and good looking?”  Now it’s, “is he a momma’s boy, workaholic, or people-pleaser?”  Suddenly your list of musts and mustn’ts is rearranged, and the emphasis becomes what you don’t want.  So, now you’re more cautious (read: gun-shy).  “Well you aren’t marrying his parents, now are you?” is a pill you’ll hide under your tongue and spit out later.  You’ve learned not to swallow advice from anyone who has never had a nightmare-in-law.  But the “never-beens” in your life don’t know from any of this; they’re still looking for little boys to control.  And that’s why I’m here, to hopefully help them steer clear of the same pitfalls I plummeted into.  I try to clue them in every step of the way, as though they’re dwarfs, with reminders and tales of caution on how this Snow White finds and makes her own happiness in the face of poisoned apples, mirror obsessed witches, and a prince who didn’t know the first thing about honor.

It's actually really strange, writing an overview of your book because it still needs to be in your voice, yet, you need to step outside yourself and figure out why anyone would want to read (and buy) your story. The best thing, though, about proposals are that they're merely suggestions. You start with a plan, outlining where you hope to go, and then it all gets rewritten, and only part of it turns out to be what you'd  originally planned. They're basically like the shitty analogy about life being like a train, how you should enjoy the journey and forget about the destination because you may never get there.

It's the same with the guy on bended knee, proposing marriage to a woman he loves, not really sure he'll still love her in 30 years and 30 pounds, but he's sure enough about who he is as a person, so he signs up and never looks back. I've come to believe (even if I need to remind myself of this from time to time) that all the stuff you hope never happens, eventually just might. So you can worry about it, or just kinda trust that in the end, after the suffering and the pain, after the loss, that really, you will have joy in your life and can, without a doubt, live the life you'd imagined at the start, even if the details and paragraphs of your life's plot are rearranged, you walk away with the same spirit, your fists in the air, taking shit from no one.

Tour Map and Dates for MOOSE

May 27 Austin • May 28 Dallas • May 30 Miami • June 2 Washington DC • June 3 Manhasset NY • June 4 New York City • June 6 DePaul University Chicago • June 7 Printers Row Book Fair Chicago • June 9 Los Angeles • June 10 Pasadena CA • June 29 Sleep-in Sunday at Austin B&N

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and you say he's just a friend

you catch strange things these days in the viral market